The most cluttered area of my living space is (usually) my closet. I’ve been living with my parents since I graduated about a year and a half ago, and I will be living with them for a few more months before I rent an apartment. My mom is the tidiest person I have ever met. Even down to the water spots in the sink. We always tease her about that.

I reorganized and cleaned out my closet this past weekend. It’s a task I only do every once in a while, when I realize that I have been hanging on to some old article of clothing that I was wearing in high school. In fact, this time around I threw away two pairs of extremely stretched-out gym shorts that I have owned since the 5th grade. I just turned twenty-six. My mom and I joke about those shorts, paint-splattered from a missions trip to Guatemala in eighth grade. They have traveled with me from Minnesota to college in Illinois to various trips around the world and back to Minnesota for grad school and beyond. This summer I tried to wear them again, and they were so stretched out that they would no longer stay on my hips. It was time to say goodbye.

Despite how I drag my feet leading up to one of these clutter-purging sessions, I really enjoy the feeling of getting everything organized and straightened out. It feels a little like that’s what the past year and a half of my life has been in a more emotional and spiritual sense. And perhaps I should take a more positive look at it, in spite of how difficult and tumultuous it has been at times.

I think of the de-cluttering process in three steps (in both the literal and the figurative senses):

1) Throw out

2) Move around

3) Bring in the new

Throwing out seems like it should mean throwing out people or situations, right? If I just get rid of this person, this job, this church, etc., everything will be fine. But I’ve found that this is not a successful strategy for me. Even if I find a way to remove [fill in the blank] from my life (which is necessary at times), there are residuals, memories, beliefs.

What I can do as I continue this journey is take stock of these bad beliefs and throw them out as often as I am able to find their hiding spots. Long-term, it’s beliefs that are so sticky and stubborn. No use hanging on to the ones keeping me from moving forward.

Moving around is prioritizing what really matters. I’m learning a lot about priorities in this full season of my life, always running from one place to the next. Where can I create space? How am I filling my space? What matters to me? A lot of things have been shaking and moving around since I graduated high school. My priorities have shifted and shifted again. On the verge of some major life changes, I’m spending my time figuring out where everything belongs.

And last, bringing in the new. Change is difficult for me sometimes. Taking a step forward into something I haven’t done before. It’s not that I dislike change or even fiercely resist it. It just takes time for me to realize that the time for a change has arrived, that the necessity for a change has overtaken everything else.

It’s an exciting time. A year ago, I balked at the idea of creating a new identity for myself, of making my own choices and forging a path forward, even though it would certainly involve learning something new. As I began to let go of my own shame, my own negative self-thinking and self-talk, I started to see the endless possibilities of a season like this one.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.